if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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