insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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