I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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