He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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