A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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