Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
