Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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