all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
