Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
