Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
