hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How does it feel to date your dad?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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