We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
