i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize