She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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