is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
