there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
