So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
