Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
