I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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