I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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