I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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