brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
