We need to rekindle our bromance
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
