So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
