He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
