Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
