when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
