How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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