do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
