so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Randomize
