Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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