The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
