Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
