i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
