I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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