I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i came on her dog
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize