I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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