Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
