he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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