Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
