I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
