Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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