My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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