you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
