We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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