$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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