question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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