i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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