yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
