Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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