My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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