Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
