Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize