we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
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