By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize