dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
