I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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