She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
