I think I won the penis lottery.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
