this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
