He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
