I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
