there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
