I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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