He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
God gave him joint rollers for hands
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
