Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize