so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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