By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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