Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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