Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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