Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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