Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
