I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
