I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize