i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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