is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
