The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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