if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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