It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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