Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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