remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
