So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You've changed since you got that strap on
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
