was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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