allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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