Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
