everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
