whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
