Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
