Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
