I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize