so that wasnt chicken after all
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
