before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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