I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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