i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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