I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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