You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
