Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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