Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
